Thursday, April 2, 2015

We need to talk about Amos Yee: Everything is more complicated than you think



Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won't know for twenty years. And you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it's what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved. And the truth is I feel so angry, and the truth is I feel so fucking sad, and the truth is I've felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long I've been pretending I'm OK, just to get along, just for, I don't know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own. Well, fuck everybody. Amen.”
-          Charlie Kaufmann, Synecdoche New York

 “Why do I feel depressed whenever I'm not working?”
“I hope I'm not so miserable making another video ever again.”
“I'm so tired and burnt from filming, I can barely breathe or talk”
“I need some exercise, I have the feeling it will really help”
Synecdoche New York: Saddest movie ever made Period”
“am i overexerting myself by continuing to masturbate?”
“I don't think about a plan when I masturbate twice a day right? That should be my mindset for every other thing”
“I masturbate so much, I don't even like girls anymore”
“Am I not being honest with myself with what I want to do?
“Another bout of insecurity again, always happens when I become sick”
“We're not supposed to hide from our past, but make sense of it”
“be honest with yourself. Always”
-          Amos Yee


Do I have an original thought in my head? My bald head. Maybe if I were happier my hair wouldn't be falling out. Life is short. I need to make the most of it. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm a walking cliché. I really need to go to the doctor and have my leg checked. There's something wrong. A bump. The dentist called again. I'm way overdue. If I stop putting things off, I would be happier. All I do is sit on my fat ass. If my ass wasn't fat, I would be happier. I wouldn't have to wear these shirts with the tails out all the time, like that's fooling anyone. Fat ass. I should start jogging again. Five miles a day. Really do it this time. Maybe rock climbing.

I need to turn my life around. What do I need to do? I need to fall in love. I need to have a girlfriend. I need to read more and prove myself. What if I learned Russian or something, or took up an instrument. I could speak Chinese. I would be the screenwriter who speaks Chinese and plays the oboe. That would be cool. I should get my hair cut short. Stop trying to fool myself and everyone else into thinking I have a full head of hair. How pathetic is that? Just be real. Confident. Isn't that what women are attracted to? Men don't have to be attractive. But that's not true. Especially these days. Almost as much pressure on men as there is on women these days. “
-          Adaptation, Charlie Kauffman

“The next real literary “rebels” in this country might well emerge as some weird bunch of anti-rebels, born oglers who dare somehow to back away from ironic watching, who have the childish gall actually to endorse and instantiate single-entendre principles. Who treat of plain old untrendy human troubles and emotions in U.S. life with reverence and conviction. Who eschew self-consciousness and hip fatigue. These anti-rebels would be outdated, of course, before they even started. Dead on the page. Too sincere. Clearly repressed. Backward, quaint, naive, anachronistic. Maybe that’ll be the point. Maybe that’s why they’ll be the next real rebels.”
-          David Foster Wallace E Unibus Pluram

“I'm wondering... Why do we tell stories? Why do people write fiction? How do you put yourself into the mindset to tell fiction?”
“Does everyone have a shallow side to them?”
“You don't care about it. Till you researched it or experienced it”
“When you're depressed, you can't control it, just relax”
“Being honest about your insecurities is also another option in writing, and also very funny”
“To choose what to do, you juat have to be uncompromisingly honest with yourself, and know yourself”
-          Amos Yee

“There are nearly thirteen million people in the world. None of those people is an extra. They're all the leads of their own stories.”
-          Charlie Kaufmann, Synecdoche New York

 “don't watch a lars von trier movie near bed time, you'll be too shocked to sleep”
“The unrelenting cries of a baby haunts me”
“Holy moutain is just an entire movie where people do bad things, especially to their lives, and then has a message that says embrace life”
-          Amos Yee

“To see beauty is to see all of the ways in which we are hopelessly adrift from it.  Beauty is a kind of contrast.  Beauty comes from our lack of it.  Beauty is about the fleeting moment that is already past you as soon as you perceive it, and how we will all die.  The notion that you could ever have beauty without misery is completely delusional.  Beauty comes from misery.  It comes from darkness.  It comes from the nature of life to be relentless in its pursuit to fucking kill you.  If you feel better about yourself or the world after you’ve seen beauty–you haven’t seen beauty.

Do you know what hell is?  Do you know why hell is?  The central core horror of hell is that one has been removed from the divine and will never again behold the perfection that they have already seen.  There is no angel that understands the nature of God and the divine, and what beauty is than Lucifer.  Hell is the mind pealing prison of the after affects of that conception.  Lucifer beheld beauty so closely that he became it for a split second, and then thought to replace it with his singular ego–and the fall and hell, are the ramifications of that loss.  That is the primordial archetype within our culture on which the conception of beauty rests.  The truth of all of our words and ideas at their purest state would terrify you.”
-          Sarah Horrocks, on The Counselor

“Maybe if I gain more knowledge on tarot cards, I could get more of the holy mountain”
“The parts where the holy mountain affected me, really influenced me”
-          Amos Yee

We discovered that Dali was also at the St. Regis Hotel! By chance I was reading a book about the Tarot. And then I take a page where the Hanged Man I write, I want to see you because
I will make a picture with you.”

“The movie has to be just like I dream it. The picture need to be exactly as I am dreaming the picture. Is a dream. Don't change my dream. This system make of us slaves. Without dignity. Without depth. With a devil in our pocket. This incredible money are in the pocket. This money. This shit. This nothing. This paper who have nothing inside. Movies have heart. Have mind. Have power. Have ambition. I wanted to do something like that. Why not?”
-          Jodorowsky’s Dune

“The secret to great writing, is not how fluent the grammar is, or how wide the vocabulary is, but by how the sentence sounds.”
“You have to be perceptive, and listen to the music of your sentences, if it sounds good, it is good”
-          Amos Yee

“Truly fine poetry must be read aloud. A good poem does not allow itself to be read in a low voice or silently. If we can read it silently, it is not a valid poem: a poem demands pronunciation. Poetry always remembers that it was an oral art before it was a written art. It remembers that it was first song.”
-          Jorge Luis Borges

“Never compromise. In every instance, humiliation is the greatest and most effective method of conveying information”
“It's so childish to say I'm emotional just because I don't agree with you“
-          Amos Yee

“It's everybody, I mean. Everything everybody does is so — I don't know — not wrong, or even mean, or even stupid necessarily. But just so tiny and meaningless and — sad-making. And the worst part is, if you go bohemian or something crazy like that, you're conforming just as much only in a different way”
-          Franny and Zooey, Salinger

““I am always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.”
"'It's full of phonies, and all you do is study so that you can learn enough to be smart enough to be able to buy a goddam Cadillac some day, and you have to keep making believe you give a damn if the football team loses, and all you do is talk about girls and liquor and sex all day, and everybody sticks together in these dirty little goddam cliques'"
-          Catcher in the Rye, Salinger

“The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day”
-          David Foster Wallace, This is Water

“I think sometimes, the type of rest you want is just silence”
-          Amos Yee

“Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent”
-          Ludwig Wittgenstein

“Could do movies based on each director, and finish his oeuvre like a tv series... hmm...”
“Watching wolf of wall street gives a very effective adrenalin rush”
“I can never make something as disneyish as gravity falls. I wish I could. Oh well, I'll just make my own stuff, maybe it can be better”
“Gotta watch me some david fincher”
“Don't like Edgar Wright's style of comedy, but visually he's great”
“I love fast frame edits”
“Experiment with different delivery, different styles, different techniques. Variety adds the spice to life”
“I'm getting really fucking unnerved by over the garden wall's atmosphere”
“Tarantino is as undisciplined as me! Fuck!!”
“As of now, I currently dislike Inherent Vice, but I really shouldn't because it was made by Paul Thomas Anderson, he fucking made Magnolia”
“Synecdoche, New York is in my opinion, the most representative of that ideal. It is considered by me to be the 3rd greatest film of all time(Yes, I find it better than Boyhood), and the most saddest, dramatically potent film I've ever seen.”
As an atheist, I wouldn't dumb down the experience calling it 'religious', I prefer to deem it as 'transcendent'.” (Comment made on opening of Magnolia)
-          Amos Yee

“What he used to make me memorize was the shots. He’d say, “Ok, learn that movie!” – by learn that movie he meant; you sit down with a bunch of pile of paper and pencils and write – shot for shot – the movie from memory. I learned a bunch of movies that way. I learned 8 1/2 that way which is a very complex film. I learned Clockwork Orange…His notion was that if you really wanna become a filmmaker, you have to get that conversant. You have to be able to carry that much in your mind. If you want to be a world class musician, instrumentalist player of something; piano, or violin or something. You’d have dozens maybe hundreds of scores, you’d have hours of music in your mind! You’d never need to look at the piece of paper, all those hours would be in your mind! And you couldn’t possibly be good enough unless you had done enough work to put all that music in your mind. So that you would just be able to sit down and call up note for note some piece of Mozart or one of the classics of your profession. And his notion with me – because the way he put it he just said “You have eyes, so you better learn to use them”. Instead of thinking of movies as print – which is the way they’re always approached; a pile of paper. It’s always the events and the words that will be spoken. Instead of thinking of movies that way, he made me learn to think of movies as a chain of images where you would fashion the entire chain of images. Just like a music student could hold a concerto in his mind, you should hold the movie in your mind; the images – nevermind the words, the images – “Where is the camera for that shot. What kind of lens was it? What was the camera doing?” – on every shot, on every one of – well most movies have about a thousand shots.”

“I went about it like it was reverse engineering. I knew that I had to go and learn what a movie was, not just my experience of going and watching a movie. So I went and sat in Truffaut’s Day for Night, watched it for three days straight, eight hours at a time and memorized it shot-for-shot. I got past the story, all the original and secondary experience, so I could study what it was that I was really watching. Film is really sort of a chain that’s really linear. Yet when it’s all strung together, it just sort of feels like an experience. It takes quite a while to be able to deconstruct that experience to figure out what you really saw.”
-          John McTierman on how he got into directing

“After watching the works of Charlie Kaufman, I get so annoyed when amateur writers are completely self-indulgent and dishonest with themselves, because it's shown so evidently in their writing, and it's absolutely painful to read”
“Here's Charlie Kaufman, a writer that is the biggest advocator of uncompromising honesty in one's work, and that honesty is perfectly transcended onto the audience, until you literally feel the raw emotional resonance of Kaufman's artistic vision”
“This scene is the closest thing any movie has ever done to cause me to break down into tears. My fellow friends, this is the kind of drama that people should respond to, not some sappy korean romance, or homosexual self-indulgently cutting himself in the wrist. It's not only honest, but completely relentless in it's honesty. If you want to see me shed tears in person, show me this scene, and I will oblige.”
-          Amos Yee on Synecdoche, New York

“the movie helped us realize that first-rate experimentalism was a way not to “transcend” or “rebel against” the truth but actually to honor it. It brought home to us—via images, the medium we were suckled on and most credulous of—that the very most important artistic communications took place at a level that not only wasn’t intellectual but wasn’t even fully conscious, that the unconscious’s true medium wasn’t verbal but imagistic, and that whether the images were Realistic or Postmodern or Expressionistic or Surreal or what-the-hell-ever was less important than whether they felt true, whether they rang psychic cherries in the communicate”
-          David Foster Wallace on David Lynch

“the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”
-          Jack Kerouac, On the Road

“And you look out in the sunset on the far distance of the horizon, and you acknowledge that there are so many great things in this world, so many treasures, and gems, and discoveries, waiting to be experienced…”
-          Amos Yee

“I don't think hammering a rock like him would shape it well.
This guy will just shatter to little pieces.
Something about his mindset is just completely off to me.
Yes, he is intelligent, but his people skill and reasoning is brimming with terrible self-justifying venom.”
-          Online Comment

“Now his smiling face is plastered all over BBC and ABC news, while only a day before they were covering LKY's funeral, they are now seeing Singapore being petty and vengeful as it brings the lese-majeste hammer down on a kid who in most 1st World countries wont be able to drink, smoke or have sex. He has managed to do what Roy Ngerng and the other failed to, garner international attention.”
-          Online Comment

Amos Yee is an out of order robot”
-          Online Comment

It has nothing to do with intelligence but just a desire to have the limelight and see how far he can take his crap. He doesn't care about making the world better, he just doesn't”
-          Online comment

instead of enjoying his childhood and just being an innocent boy, he had to dabble in the adult world, trying to grow up too fast. this can never be good. Sigh! The adult world is a shitty one that adults can't get out of. he wasted his youth trying to jump into this adult world too early. wasted life.”
-          Online Comment

“He comes across as someone who would do a gun shooting in a school.”
-          Online Comment

It is very obvious to me that Amos Yee is suffering from a form of high functioning autism and Asperger syndrome, characterized by his lack of ability to integrate into society, form friendships, and general lack of empathy.”
-          Online Comment

Can we just stop trying to psychoanalyse Amos Yee? He's a very bright and outspoken boy, and there's no need to go into how he must be so isolated, or that he's sociopathic, or that he's famished for attention.
-          Alfian Sa’at

“An insecure teenager. Wannabe anti-establishment hipster nerd. I don't think he feels loved by his parents, probably a lonely child. Don't quote me for truth, is not a professional profiler.”
-          Online Comment

Don't let his big words and annoying western accent trick you into thinking that he's intelligent.”
-          Online Comment

at the end of the day, we look at his journey has having ended in the trash bin of history but the fact is writers / film makers / poets etc all thrive for moments like this, where they represent the vox populi against the hegemon on the battlefields of popular culture even for a split second. his happens to have resulted in an arrest and probably a jail term, again, not an unique narrative in the grand scheme of things.”
-          Online Comment

Trust me his journey has not ended yet. It's barely started. He still has a long way to go, and lots to learn. He can go on and YouTube his way to doom, or if this episode knocked a little sense into him he will start doing something else, hopefully productive, and eventually find his way to success and be a positive contributor to society just like everybody else. He first needs to find meaning in what he do, and the reason for him being so utterly random, full of **** and rebellious is because he has found neither meaning nor approval for what he has done.”
-          Online Comment

“What is the meaning of Life?”
-          Amos Yee

“What Amos Yee said about people living life for popularity and are generally conformists is also very consistent with and well documented by human psychology studies.

Non-conformist is ostracized by the majority/society because not conforming to what the majority thinks is judged to be "wrong".”
-          Online Comment

This leads me to just one conclusion: Amos Yee reminds me a lot of a good friend of mine, Alvin Tan. Both of them are intelligent but hated life in Singapore. To a certain degree, Amos even reminds me of a younger version of myself when I was a JC student, growing up in Singapore. But then again, I chose the path of least resistance. Yes I was like Amos Yee back in the day - I didn't like things in Singapore, I chose to leave quietly when the opportunity presented itself in the form of a scholarship to study at a British university. No fuss, no controversy, no problems - I quietly took my leave and got on with my life in Europe. I didn't stay and fight for a better Singapore - but then again, I also understand how democracy works. Change will come to Singapore when the people want it and are ready for it and judging from what we have seen this week, nothing is going to change in the short run or the medium term. Alvin Tan has already found his way to America and I do keep in touch with him - life in America has been good to him and he is busy getting on with his new life in California. Need I state the obvious? Amos Yee should just do what we did - leave Singapore when he is old enough to do so. In the meantime, just keep your head down and stay out of trouble.”
-          LimpehFT’s Blog

Every single person who has been influential in history, advocates not being neutral, and holding their beliefs and ideas with a strong, unmitigated passion. And they left their marks throughout history and influenced and are still influencing millions of people. So why wouldn’t you want to be equipped with the aspect that will make you, like Issac Newton, Voltaire or Rene Descartes, important in life. We are a people of opinions, we are people of ideas, we are people of modern science, logic and intellect, and we will be able to incorporate all those aspects into our lives and make it more exciting and happier by saying fuck you to being neutral. Repeat that after me, fuck you to being neutral.
-          Amos Yee

And Pilate saith unto them, Behold the man!”
-          John 19:5

“The truth is you already know what it's like. You already know the difference between the size and speed of everything that flashes through you and the tiny inadequate bit of it all you can ever let anyone know. As though inside you is this enormous room full of what seems like everything in the whole universe at one time or another and yet the only parts that get out have to somehow squeeze out through one of those tiny keyholes you see under the knob in older doors. As if we are all trying to see each other through these tiny keyholes.

But it does have a knob, the door can open. But not in the way you think...The truth is you've already heard this. That this is what it's like. That it's what makes room for the universes inside you, all the endless inbent fractals of connection and symphonies of different voices, the infinities you can never show another soul. And you think it makes you a fraud, the tiny fraction anyone else ever sees? Of course you're a fraud, of course what people see is never you. And of course you know this, and of course you try to manage what part they see if you know it's only a part. Who wouldn't? It's called free will, Sherlock. But at the same time it's why it feels so good to break down and cry in front of others, or to laugh, or speak in tongues, or chant in Bengali--it's not English anymore, it's not getting squeezed through any hole.

So cry all you want, I won't tell anybody.””
-          David Foster Wallace

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